Can You Get Arrested for This?

It's midnight and I've fallen and cant' get up - off the computer - that is. Damn! I hate getting sucked into the world wide web. I've been Googling old college aquaintences to see anybody's doing anything interesting, noteworthy or having more fun than me. I can't find anybody. Is nobody doing anything that I can peak in on? No scandal. No arrests. NO FUN.

I did something interesting today. I interviewed literary icon, Elizabeth Spencer! If you aren't aware of her and you love writing, then shame on you. She has won numerous awards, her book, A Light in the Piazza, was adapted as a movie (starring Olivia DeHavilland and the sun-tanned actor, George Hamilton) and more recently as a Broadway musical and she befriended Eudora Welty and even had dinner with William Faulkner. She's 87 and sharp as a tack. Her first cousin is John McCain but she won't vote for him because she's a "dyed in the wool long time Democrat."

My dear little children are with their grandparents in Monroe,LA and it's quiet around here. I've been looking forward to a little late summer break and now that I've got it, I feel a little lost and out of sorts. Who can I Google next?

Welcome to my Summer

Whoa...Did I give you enough time to fully digest the phenomenom? / phenomena? / banamana??? of synesthesia Please write a three paragraph essay on why you wish you could see colors when you think of numbers or letters because you know you wish you could. Don't act like I'm the one who's crazy. You know your jealous 'cause my inner world is colorful and full of unicorns and rainbows and talking animals.

Perhaps you are hesitant to admit your awesome ability to see the 3-D images in Magic Eye pictures or maybe you think it's a little odd that inanimate objects channel their wants and desires through you. That just means you are the "Chosen One" (or so they say). Seeing leprechauns isn't so bad except when they start trash talking you and then you have to sacrifice something just to calm those tiny bitches down. I mean it doesn't happen all the time. They are only appeased when I bury a chicken foot and some locks of hair from the head of a green-eyed toddler in the backyard under a rock on the third Saturday's waning moon. That's not weird, is it???

When I asked friends, my students, and other random people if they exhibit any synesthesia traits, they acted like that was the craziest thing they ever heard. Note to self...keep synesthesia, as well as, THE VOICES on the d.l.

My LSU-loving husband found this song on the YouTube about all the Ole Miss girls out there. ">Holla!

So much to tell, So little time

I went to Destin, FL a.k.a. Redneck Riviera for a long weekend with three other lovely young ladies. It was Mom's Gone Wild '08 and did we have fun! I'll have to show you my tattoos in the next post.

Also, my dear, sweet and oh so sophisticated first-born celebrated her 8th birthday yesterday.

Lastly, my friend Keetha wrote about associating different letters of the alphabet with a distinct personality. I see letters in a rainbow of colors and I always thought everybody did the same until a couple of years ago when I heard about a something called synesthesia on NPR. I found out that not everybody does this. We are a select group. Unfortunately, it is not related to advanced intelligence, it's just a neurological hiccup in the brain.

I have much to tell but I have to get to Jackson for a doctor's appointment. Later, Gator.

Gray Watched The Godfather Marathon All Weekend

Ciao Bellas. My name is Count Vito Maximo Montefiori but these children, they call me Gray Gray. Whatever. The girl above, she worship me, Naturally. She very smart, very, how you say, "adorable". I like her because she feed me treats and makes me little construction paper crowns with the words "King Gray Gray" neatly printed around it. The boy, he is crazy. I advise you to mind your own business when he around. He constantly torturing me, but one day I scratch him good


Here I am snuggled up next to my favorite person. She think I muy super handsome and like a little angel. At least that what she always be saying to me - like I don't already know this. Still, she very sweet like a little bowl of gelato.

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Perhaps,I get just a little shut-eye before making 3 a.m. patrol around the house then I jump on the people in the next room. Making the big man scream in the big bed is so very funny.


I am Gray Gray. You want I come to your house, si? I offer you protection, no? I make you offer , you no refuse. Capisce!

I think I could take more

20

Take the quiz by clicking on the link above. The test says I can whup up on 20 five-year-olds. See how you stack up against me. Remember 5-year-olds are animals (I know, I just went through a solid year of living with one!!!) They will attack without mercy and then when they think you have the upper hand, they'll cry or act like they're hurt, or refuse to play or the clincher, they'll tell you they hate you and your're not their best friend anymore. You may be tempted to give in but trust me,just when you think they have gone off to watch SpongeBob and everything's cool - WHAM - they will be all over you like a duck on a junebug. Show no pity or it will be your undoing!!!!!

Thanks, Sweetney.

Freakfest and Super Bowl 2008

I'm still slightly swollen from my wisdom teeth extraction or as I like to call it "Freakfest '08 but happily, I can go out in public without people gawking at my super large head and super small mouth. I would have been a great subject for The Learning Channel. They could put me on after "Life as a Primordial Dwarf Mother with One Arm".
I am one of those rare people who actually thinks going to the dentist is relaxing. I get in the chair, put one arm over my waist and perch one arm on the arm rest and then I become hypnotized by staring into the overhead light. I love that you get a new toothbrush and floss after it's all done because I'm easy that way. My open-arms policy concerning dentistry, plus, my fast recovery after two c-sections led me to believe that I would be on my feet in no time. I was duped and I now I'm wiser. Luckily, I have no more teeth to sacrifice to Dr. Hurt.

How about that Super Bowl? I was rooting for the Patriots just to be contrary to my husband's pick. Super Steve had money on the Giants and we all know how it ended. However, I was happy to see Eli get MVP. I feel so close to Eli since he was a quarterback at Ole Miss and I've been to some Ole Miss football games. We weren't enrolled in school at the same time but we have so much in common it's eerie.

Who thought the last night's Super Bowl ads were boring? Maybe the Super Bowl ads are officially over hyped? Thoughts?

IF you read this, I hope it's not too late...

Two years before....."You really need to get all four of your wisdom teeth removed," They said.

Three weeks before....
"Schedule it for a Thursday, that way, you'll have the weekend to take it easy and by Monday, you'll be good to go," They said.

After two years of hearing this rhetoric, I finally scheduled myself a harmless,little, old toof extraction at the oral surgeon's. I was to have four teeth removed by appropriately-named, Dr. Hurt. I heard the nurses snicker and sinister chords from a pipe organ resonate in the hall as I said that "Yes, Thursday, Jan. 24 would be fine for surgery."

Last week....
Before I closed my eyes, as the serum invaded my veins, I heard the doctor whisper to the nurse, "Tell Satan to come out of the closet. It's time to surgically implant him in the victim's mouth." I was paralyzed to run.I knew I had been duped by the Dental profession.

Jan. 24, 2008
The cruel hand of fate was dealt and my mouth auctioned to Beelezubub. Who will ever know the truth? Nobody will take me seriously. They say the drugs are making me talk out of my head. I plead to be understood. They must know that something evil has taken place in furthest recesses of my lower jaws but all I get is some jello and pureed soups. Ah more Vicoden...snzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Jan. 25, 2008
My head is three times the size it used to be. Everybody pretends it's not that bad but I can tell by their worried whispers that the experiment has gone dreadfully wrong. They keep feeding me the evil that is pudding and telling me that it's not that bad but I know I look like Eric Stoltz in "Mask". How will this all end? Hasn't Satan done enough? How much humiliation can one person endure?

January 31, 2008
The devil's grip has lessened on my jowls. My will is stronger than his but the sulpher-like smell of death still permeates my breath as a sign of his resistance to all my Lysterine. I will fight you, Lucifer!

Tune in to the rest of the saga....