Anna Nicole and Xanax

Goodness, it's Thursday night and I have so much to share...where do I start?

I flew to Phoenix last Friday and boy, are my arms tired, plus, my nerves are shot!!!! I hate to fly but the trip was so, so fun. Did you know that fat people aren't allowed in the Phoenix/Scottsdale area? They let me in on a special visa. I felt very special and very large!

On the way to Jackson to get to the airport, I was feeling quite anxious, so I remembered I had a friend who had Xanax. I called her and she said, "Sure I'd love to be your drug pusher come right over. "

When I got there, her husband said she was in the shower but it was all right to go on back. Not anxious to see my friend all nekkid, I hesitated but she assured me her nekkidness was all hidden behind the shower curtain. I'm real shy about seeing other people's bits and parts.

My friend, okay her name is Ann - Ann Fann - it really is! Shut up about how funny that is. What's even funnier is her full name, including maiden name, is Ann Little Fann. Doesn't she sound like an Indian Princess? Well, while Ann's all lathering up in the shower, she yells to me, "Just look in the bottle on the vanity. Do you see the pill all marked with bars?"

I think to myself, Yes, I think I do and dump the contents out.

"Break off one bar of the pill. You'll relax," said Ann.

So, I pick one part of the pill out of the jar that has already been broken off - I think. It looks like what I'm supposed to be looking for. I popped it off in my mouthreally fast because I was really anxious.

Then Ann yells through the fog, "Wait until you start to board the plane before you take that or you will be OUT!"

Oops, too late for me!

So I said "Thanks" and left. I got in the car with Super Steve and left for the airport. I waited for the calming effects to take place. About 30 minutes down the road, I started to get a little nervous... Did I even take the right pill? Was I going to pass out and then what? Was I Alice in Wonderland waiting to get bigger or smaller.

I confessed to Super Steve that I went to Ann's house for Xanax and warned him to watch me. I waited and waited but the only crazy side effect of my acid trip was that I thought I heard constant Anna Nicole updates on CNN. Surely that was just the drug because for a prestigious news channel to only be concerned about Anna Nicole Smith's five possible baby daddys and untimely death would mean I was trippin' hard core - right? Other than that -no other side effects. No tiredness. No sluggishness. Just a constant drone of Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

I would rather have passed out but through the placebo effect of Zanex I arrived in Phoenix unharmed and without a hangover! I just had the strangest dream of the Bahamas.