There's been a minor ruckus in the mothering world that started with a blogger named Melissa Summers of http://www.suburbanbliss.net/ She wrote about playdates and having a cocktail or two during said date- not for the kids but for the adults. When I read her post, I thought "Now, that's my kind of playdate. We could be friends." But, alas, she lives in Detroit.
I didn't think too much more about it because where I live drinking is a big part of socializing. If there is free time and I consider having children and their parents over as "free time" then I am probably, more than likely going to offer the other mother a glass of wine or other adult beverage if it's 4 p.m. or later.
Plenty of people have had a lot to say about Mrs. Summers post - some pro, and some vehemently con. The cons thought the children were in danger, that they were going to become alcoholics, at best and crack addled prostitutes at worst. Then, about two weeks ago, Summers was invited to be on the Today show where Merideth Viera asked her what the difference between a mother and a paid baby sitter were and the debate raged on whether mothers could be trusted to drink responsibly while caring for their chillun'.
What's funny about all this is if they were in living in Mississippi especially, in my neck of Mississippi, there would be no debate. Somewhere, we, as parents have become so neurotic about our children's little psyches, self-esteem and perfection. My opinion is that my children have joined my world. They are an extremely precious to me and because of them I try conduct myself in a way in which they can be proud. They are always formost in my mind when I make big decisions. But, I also strive to create a harmonious and loving marriage with my husband. I try to live a life pleasing to God and make a good name for myself within my community and in my professional life. I also like to have a social life with my family and without because I am a grown up.
People down here don't do a lot of reading about child rearing. Either you raise your children right or you don't. You don't have to follow the latest baby experts teachings in order to raise a little genius or ensure they get into an ivy league preschool. Plenty of mothers breastfeed because it's said to be superior to the bottle. They love that they are bonding with their babies in a way that is uniquely their own. I applaud those mothers and I know a lot of them.
Then there are terrible mothers, like me, who didn't breast feed. I felt it to be a bit creepy and I hated being the only person between my baby and the abyss of a starvation. I didn't even consider letting my children share a bed with my husband and me. They just had to cry. I never did flash cards drills with my children . Never. Not once. I do, however, read to them.
Guess what - they seem to be alright so far. Lucy is a first grader who is sweet and is one of the best students in her class. Cavitt is bright and happy, with no attachment issues because he wasn't fed from my breasts.
As mothers, we have so much to fret about. Are we raising our children the best way? Are they getting the right nutrition? Are they normal? Is 8 years old too old not to be potty trained? You know, the normal worries. I try to keep things in perspective and not worry what the latest parenting trend may be.
First and foremost, I want my children to feel secure and loved. I want them grow up to be independent thinkers and doers. I want them to have friends and do well in school. I want them to develop of a love for God. I want them to be able to mix me a good stiff drink. If I want to drink in front of my children - so be it. They live with me.
People in the rest of the country may say we in the South are small minded and poorly educated but I'll pit my honor student against their honor student any day. I don't need Brooklyn, Park Slope, intellectual hippie mothers to tell me the best way to discipline my child. I'll do my best - right or wrong. They can go protest disposable diapers or find their baby a milk sibling (see: http://www.babble.com/content/articles/features/personalessays/baumgardner/breastfriends/ ).
I have fond memories of my mother coming to kiss me good night after she and daddy had been to a party. I remember the sound of her charm bracelet tinkling in the darkness as she leaned over the bed. I remember inhaling the faint smell of bourbon and cigarettes mixed with perfume and mink. It was an exotic, festive aroma that clued me in to a world that I wasn't old enough yet to experience.
I don't think I was too screwed in the head from knowing that my parents drank socially. I was a witness to some of their livlier parties and I remember having a great time running around with the other kids while our parents laughed loudly from the other room.
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