New Year, New ways to fool myself

Well, well, well it's time to get serious about New Year's Resolutions. I like to give myself about a two week window of time to get serious about the new year. It's important for me to be well-rested before getting all resolute about a random list that's supposed to make me a better person. I have a long list of things that I have been trying to accomplish for what seems like forever but I really think 2007 is going to my year!

"Why this year?" You may ask.

Because I believe in the tooth fairy, magic, that Oprah can see me through the t.v., plus, I have the optimism of a pampered pekinese puppy!

There's always the "lose weight" resolution. Only 10 years ago I wanted to lose 10 lbs but really any punk can lose that. So I held off. This year I have a real goal - lose a whopping 30 lbs. Let the games begin!

Write more - become the next David Sedaris or Amy. Um, maybe I'll just just write something, somewhere. Do bathroom stalls count?

Read more and not just PerezHilton.com. I plan to read loftier things, like "People" or "O.K.", maybe something more European like "Hello" for a little international flavor.

Be a better person, blah, blah, blah.

This list is boring perhaps this year I should:

Gain more weight in the new year. Have more eating contests.

More laying around on the couch and read more "In Style" magazines or Lane Bryant catalogs, Tell the kids to be quiet while I think about dinner with my eyes closed.

Learn two or three great drink recipes. Teach Lucy to become my personal mixologist. Get Cavitt to start wearing a tuxedo and ask me what I would like for a snack.

Make some new friends on the internet who are into ninjas. Buy some throwing stars and stealthily hurl them at my husband when he's not acting right. Hmmm...he might be into that.

Learn to bend metal with my mind.

Check back to see how I'm doing.